Why women hate sex

Why women hate sex.
Out of all the problems that have ever or will
ever exist on the Earth, there is only one that
men haven’t and will never be able to solve —
not because they can’t, because that’s
ridiculous, but because the problem is
unsolvable by design. Women hate sex.
That’s it, there you have it. The end-all, be-all
of cluster fucks. But why?
Do women hate sex — and they do — because
of some kind of woman-guilt from an outdated
puritan societal dogma? Or perhaps a stigma
of guilt or a fear of abandonment? No. None
of these things are it. Women hate sex simply
because they are lousy at it.
This can be proved in a quick stroll down the
checkout aisle at your local market of
groceries — a place thick to the rafters with
women. Take a look at some of their
magazines and you will no doubt see a
running theme: ‘Ten Ways to not suck in bed’,
‘Six Things to do to Your Man that aren’t Lay
There Like a Futon’, and ‘Honestly who gives
half a fuck about socks being on or off? Jesus
Christ that’s pathetic’.
Also, much in the same way that a wall
probably doesn’t like or doesn’t care about
playing tennis with you, it’s definitely not your
fault. Don’t let your sympathetic male
compassion get the better of you. You could
be dancing around like a maniac and pulling
stunts out of your figurative ass like Johnny
Magic the Wicked Awesome — maybe some
whirl-arounds and in your face spikes from
across the court — it’s really up to you as the
man — but no matter what, the wall will
remain unfazed. It just sits there doing
nothing like a lump on a log probably thinking
that it wants a new expensive coat of paint.
This same theory can be applied to many
other things as well. For example: that women
hate problems.
In Chinese, the symbol for crisis is the same
as opportunity. I haven’t looked that up, but I
heard it from a man so it’s probably true
because us men have something called
integrity. This means that in a time of crisis,
we men are at our show stopping best. Take a
flat tire on a moonless night for instance.
While a man is out changing nuts and bolts
and doing all manner of screwing on the side
of the road, will a woman so much as think to
grab a flashlight and help? No.
That’s because women hate holding
flashlights, because they are complete rubbish
at it. Force a woman to hold a flashlight when
it matters and you’re likely to catch her aiming
it into the sky for absolutely no goddamn
reason. You’re better off just duct taping it to
a mailbox and catapulting it into space.